a beautiful mess

Life can be messy sometimes. I just went back through & read a load of blogs I had written over the past year...& I posted them here. It's funny how fast I can lose sight of the things that matter...how easily distracted I get at times. It's like I've gone to the store to buy a dress & came home with shoes, pants, shirts,...& no dress. How do I keep the dress as my goal? What do I need to do to keep my goals in sight & the things that truly are important to me?

Things get in the way.

People change.

However, the things that I wanted then are still things that I want in my future. My life is messy...but it's my mess & it's the only one I will ever have. I want to live it fully & unswervingly for Jesus Christ...nothing else matters as long as every day I can say I did my best in His name. Being able to do that makes my mess of a life something different...then it becomes a beautiful mess. He changes me & I want to keep my focus on Him & nothing else. He will guide my steps.

stronger.

there is Love
that came for us
humbled to a sinner's cross
You broke my shame and sinfulness
You rose again victorious

faithfulness none can deny
through the storm
& through the fire
there is truth that sets me free
Jesus Christ who lives in me

You are stronger
You are stronger
sin is broken
You have saved me
it is written
Christ is risen
Jesus You are Lord of all

no beginning & no end
You're my hope & my defence
You came to seek & save the lost
You paid it all upon the cross

so let Your Name be lifted higher
be lifted higher
be lifted higher

lessons in geography

I recently took a trip with my mother. She won a major award for outstanding skills & work initiative through her company, so we accompanied 60 middle aged folk on an extravagant vacation. The first day the sponsors of the event decided to spice things up & play a few games, one of them was an American Airlines version of 'Jeopardy.' We were all a part of a team with everyone else at our table & one of the questions posed to my team went something like this: 'How many countries is American Airlines currently located in?' The answer choices were:

A. 129 countries on 6 continents
B. Every state but Georgia
C. 151 countries on 9 continents
D. Europe & the United States

Being at a table with nine travel industry professionals, I would have assumed they'd have a good handle on global geography. False. They wanted to answer C. The only problem with C is that there are only seven continents on Earth...we can't just make up two! Oh. My. Goodness. I'm going to blame it on the mimosas for breakfast.

confessions

I am bad with money. Seriously. I watched the movie 'Confessions of a Shopaholic' & felt like it was about me, except that I'm not dating any really attractive British men (unfortunately). It's almost humorous that the daughter of an accountant would be this horrible with money, but literally four days after being paid my account is totally drained & I have to wait until the fifth for my next chance to be responsible with my money.

Here's the part that sucks: it's not that I spend all of my money on stupid things, or don't understand the value of money--it's more that I just don't care about it that much. That may sound weird, but seriously--I would love to just be debt free & live simply, but if I can't even live simply now how will that ever be possible? I'm not motivated by money...I'm actually motivated by making people happy--perhaps there's an opening to become 'Bozo the Clown.' I spend my money on experiences, such as: dinner with friends, gas to go visit people, or drinks with the guys. It just disappears after a few days of social interaction...it's quite frustrating!

So...I will officially be looking for ways to better save. I know I've said that before, but it's encouraging to know I can still keep trying.

gone fishin' instead of just wishin'

Working at a music store has taught me more about men than I ever thought was possible. Before, I thought I was pretty fluent in 'male,' but I've come to realize I had only scratched the surface- talk about complicated! (Except that it's really only complicated because I'm a woman & apparently that's how we like things).

Last week I was helping a regular customer while bantering with a co-worker. I made the comment 'I'm a lover not a fighter' & my customer said 'I'm sure your fiance or husband loves that,' to which I just smiled & said nothing. Later I told my co-worker 'see my ring (worn on the appropriate finger) has done it's job'. he told me 'no...he was totally fishing'.

Fishing. There's a new one! See, here I thought I'd figured out a way to avoid awkward advances & I'm just making the game much more interesting. How annoying. Well, now that I'm wise to it all I figure it's time to bring in a story...perhaps I could be a real stinker & make it a familiar love story just to mess with them a bit.

big ben

I hate to follow up a serious blog with this, but I just couldn't resist...my life is too funny sometimes. Clearly I'm immature, but when a guy calls in asking for 'Big Bends Nut Sauce' (I heard 'Big Ben's') I just can't help but laugh...uncontrollably.

O Sacred Head, Now Wounded

Sometimes I find that reading lyrics is extremely powerful. It's enhanced my life in many different ways. So here's one that has brought me into a deeper understanding on many occasions.

O sacred Head, now wounded, with grief and shame weighed down,
Now scornfully surrounded with thorns, Thine only crown;
How pale Thou art with anguish, with sore abuse and scorn!
How does that visage languish, which once was bright as morn!

What Thou, my Lord, hast suffered, was all for sinners’ gain;
Mine, mine was the transgression, but Thine the deadly pain.
Lo, here I fall, my Savior! ’Tis I deserve Thy place;
Look on me with Thy favor, vouchsafe to me Thy grace.

Men mock and taunt and jeer Thee, Thou noble countenance,
Though mighty worlds shall fear Thee and flee before Thy glance.
How art thou pale with anguish, with sore abuse and scorn!
How doth Thy visage languish that once was bright as morn!

Now from Thy cheeks has vanished their color once so fair;
From Thy red lips is banished the splendor that was there.
Grim death, with cruel rigor, hath robbed Thee of Thy life;
Thus Thou hast lost Thy vigor, Thy strength in this sad strife.

My burden in Thy Passion, Lord, Thou hast borne for me,
For it was my transgression which brought this woe on Thee.
I cast me down before Thee, wrath were my rightful lot;
Have mercy, I implore Thee; Redeemer, spurn me not!

What language shall I borrow to thank Thee, dearest friend,
For this Thy dying sorrow, Thy pity without end?
O make me Thine forever, and should I fainting be,
Lord, let me never, never outlive my love to Thee.

My Shepherd, now receive me; my Guardian, own me Thine.
Great blessings Thou didst give me, O source of gifts divine.
Thy lips have often fed me with words of truth and love;
Thy Spirit oft hath led me to heavenly joys above.

Here I will stand beside Thee, from Thee I will not part;
O Savior, do not chide me! When breaks Thy loving heart,
When soul and body languish in death’s cold, cruel grasp,
Then, in Thy deepest anguish, Thee in mine arms I’ll clasp.

The joy can never be spoken, above all joys beside,
When in Thy body broken I thus with safety hide.
O Lord of Life, desiring Thy glory now to see,
Beside Thy cross expiring, I’d breathe my soul to Thee.

My Savior, be Thou near me when death is at my door;
Then let Thy presence cheer me, forsake me nevermore!
When soul and body languish, oh, leave me not alone,
But take away mine anguish by virtue of Thine own!

Be Thou my consolation, my shield when I must die;
Remind me of Thy passion when my last hour draws nigh.
Mine eyes shall then behold Thee, upon Thy cross shall dwell,
My heart by faith enfolds Thee. Who dieth thus dies well.

be

I learned long ago never to plan life out because it always has a way of doing what it wants. Of course, I can adjust the course it's on from time to time, but the overall outcome can't be planned or manipulated.

Things happen.

People change.

The only thing I can really do is choose my attitude through it all- so here, in this moment, I choose to remember that in all situations...

'God is in it & God is good.'

I trust in every day that passes by I will be able to stand firm on Psalm 46:10, 'Be still & know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.'

memories...

I was looking through some old photos today & ran across a set of them that made me laugh, so I've decided to share them all. At camp a few friends & I tried to get a good photo of us all & it took quite a while to get a good shot--if it ever even happened--but we did have a lot of fun doing it. So here are a few of my favorite people...

twilight.

I have promised myself that I won't get sucked into pop culture phenomenon anymore. Being twenty-four, I can remember the days of New Kids on the Block, 'N Sync, Titanic, etc. In an attempt to 'protect' myself from getting sucked in I have avoided Twilight...until this last weekend. It was decent...though I'm not worried about letting Robert Pattinson fill the void that Leo left in my heart years ago (even though I still have love for Leo). I did enjoy the movie, but the best part is the music. One thing Leo did not do is perform for the soundtrack, they left that up to Celine Dion, on the other hand Robert Pattinson did...& he is amazing. So go out & pick yourself up a copy of the soundtrack & listen to "Never Think" & "Let Me Sign". But if you're struggling with a little 'Robbie P. obsession' you either already know this or you should probably avoid the soundtrack for all our sake.

gnomes. cars. keno.

The things that strike me as oddly amusing would go unnoticed by most people. In fact sometimes I find things so diverting that I just have to stop & take a photo of it, for example: there was one time when two Toyota Camrys parked on either side of my Camry & the time we found a lawn gnome outside a Starbucks & pretty much any time someone falls asleep in a public place. So today, while eating lunch at a Mexican food restaurant, I had another one of those experiences. Everybody eating with me had a plain, clear drinking glass except, of course, for the lady sitting next to me who had, no joke, a Keno "superhero" glass. When I first noticed it, I almost spewed the water I had just put into my mouth...but trying to explain why I got water all over the nice man sitting across from me wouldn't be all so entertaining. So I just sat alone & chuckled to myself over the random Keno glass...I'm sure it will keep me entertained for days.

i so hate consequences.

When I was growing up I was allergic to dairy products, so my mom had to buy non-dairy everything. One of my favorite non-dairy snacks was this cheese she used to get...although it sounds pretty gross now. Well one night I was being particularly bratty & I insisted that I must have some cheese. My mom sliced up a few pieces for me & my dad told me, 'if you don't finish all of those you can't watch "Alf" tonight!' Being about four years old, I couldn't imagine not being able to watch Alf...but I wasn't through being a brat that night. I sat in my parents room & ate a lot of the cheese, but during my messing around I dropped a piece on the floor & it became covered in gross hair & lint. I decided to bring the dirty piece out & not eat it, but my father, not knowing it was dirty, told me I better eat it or no 'Alf.' I refused & was sent straight to bed.

As an adult the mistakes I've made are much more serious than screwing around & dropping a piece of cheese. In the same way, my consequences are much bigger than not being able to watch 'Alf' before bed. If only life was still that easy. It's good to know that with every mistake I make, I am able to pick myself up again & face the consequences as a better, more understanding person. I'm far from becoming the person I would like to be & even then I'll still be looking to improve...it's good to know I'm going the right direction & have wonderful company along for the journey.

that blasted curve ball.

What do you do with the unexpected curve ball? Life's treking along quite nicely then all of the sudden 'bang!' it comes at you full force. At this point you pretty much have two options: A. watch it fly on past you as you strike out, or B. swing at it with everything you've got.

I'm personally not a fan of the curve balls- if life seems to be moving along quite nicely why interrupt it? How annoying! But they still keep coming...some of them I let pass by & others I swing at. So what do I do with this one now? Well maybe I should go down swinging- who knows, maybe I'll knock it out of the park.

the dreams of today

Hi. My name's Michelle & I am commitment-ally challenged.

This is characterized by a general tendency to become bored with life, never being able to come to a firm decision, always keeping an eye out for something better to come along, & relationships?...well let's not even go there.

In the past I have picked up & moved across the country because I felt claustrophobic with life. It was an amazing time in my life & I learned a lot about myself...but by the end I was ready for the next chapter to come along. I'm terrified of becoming 'bogged down' & not being able to experience the adventures that may or may not come along.

I'm twenty-four & even though all my friends tell me I'm really not that old I'm not getting any younger! This is the perfect time for me to experience all that life has to offer...& I'm trying to make the most of where I'm at & gain all the experiences I can before I move on. I don't want to live in the land of "what-ifs" I want to make things happen!

Maybe I just haven't found something that holds my interest long enough to keep me from looking the other direction. There's so much potential out there & I'm wanting to find myself some!

For now, I'm going to soak up as much as I can where I'm at & continue to dream...& perhaps maybe this fear of commitment thing will start to work itself out along the way.

resourceful & environmentally friendly

Given the current state of our economy many people are cutting down the spending...& rightfully so considering excessive, needless spending has gotten me into a mess. This in mind, I have come up with a few creative ideas for those old credit cards we clearly don't need. I am no Martha Stewart, mind you, nor would I ever desire to strive to be any version of her, but I think my ideas may come in handy...for someone.

1. For the struggling musicians who can't spare a buck, just take a pair of scissors & fashion yourself some rather expensive guitar picks.

2. Cut them in half & use them as a scraping device for all the gum stuck under those tables & chairs or for the crusty food left on your dirty plates.

3. Plastic "Chinese throwing stars"...enough said really.

4. Cut a jagged edge on one side & use it as a meat tenderizer...it really makes those cheap steaks taste much better.

5. Cut them into thin lines & use them to dig out those pesty little food bits that get stuck in your teeth.

6. Draw a checkerboard on a piece of paper & use cut up pieces of your old plastic as the checkers.

I hope this has inspired you to put your old plastic to good use. Now I'm off to find the scissors & create a few new ideas.

ciao!