be

I learned long ago never to plan life out because it always has a way of doing what it wants. Of course, I can adjust the course it's on from time to time, but the overall outcome can't be planned or manipulated.

Things happen.

People change.

The only thing I can really do is choose my attitude through it all- so here, in this moment, I choose to remember that in all situations...

'God is in it & God is good.'

I trust in every day that passes by I will be able to stand firm on Psalm 46:10, 'Be still & know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.'

memories...

I was looking through some old photos today & ran across a set of them that made me laugh, so I've decided to share them all. At camp a few friends & I tried to get a good photo of us all & it took quite a while to get a good shot--if it ever even happened--but we did have a lot of fun doing it. So here are a few of my favorite people...

twilight.

I have promised myself that I won't get sucked into pop culture phenomenon anymore. Being twenty-four, I can remember the days of New Kids on the Block, 'N Sync, Titanic, etc. In an attempt to 'protect' myself from getting sucked in I have avoided Twilight...until this last weekend. It was decent...though I'm not worried about letting Robert Pattinson fill the void that Leo left in my heart years ago (even though I still have love for Leo). I did enjoy the movie, but the best part is the music. One thing Leo did not do is perform for the soundtrack, they left that up to Celine Dion, on the other hand Robert Pattinson did...& he is amazing. So go out & pick yourself up a copy of the soundtrack & listen to "Never Think" & "Let Me Sign". But if you're struggling with a little 'Robbie P. obsession' you either already know this or you should probably avoid the soundtrack for all our sake.

gnomes. cars. keno.

The things that strike me as oddly amusing would go unnoticed by most people. In fact sometimes I find things so diverting that I just have to stop & take a photo of it, for example: there was one time when two Toyota Camrys parked on either side of my Camry & the time we found a lawn gnome outside a Starbucks & pretty much any time someone falls asleep in a public place. So today, while eating lunch at a Mexican food restaurant, I had another one of those experiences. Everybody eating with me had a plain, clear drinking glass except, of course, for the lady sitting next to me who had, no joke, a Keno "superhero" glass. When I first noticed it, I almost spewed the water I had just put into my mouth...but trying to explain why I got water all over the nice man sitting across from me wouldn't be all so entertaining. So I just sat alone & chuckled to myself over the random Keno glass...I'm sure it will keep me entertained for days.

i so hate consequences.

When I was growing up I was allergic to dairy products, so my mom had to buy non-dairy everything. One of my favorite non-dairy snacks was this cheese she used to get...although it sounds pretty gross now. Well one night I was being particularly bratty & I insisted that I must have some cheese. My mom sliced up a few pieces for me & my dad told me, 'if you don't finish all of those you can't watch "Alf" tonight!' Being about four years old, I couldn't imagine not being able to watch Alf...but I wasn't through being a brat that night. I sat in my parents room & ate a lot of the cheese, but during my messing around I dropped a piece on the floor & it became covered in gross hair & lint. I decided to bring the dirty piece out & not eat it, but my father, not knowing it was dirty, told me I better eat it or no 'Alf.' I refused & was sent straight to bed.

As an adult the mistakes I've made are much more serious than screwing around & dropping a piece of cheese. In the same way, my consequences are much bigger than not being able to watch 'Alf' before bed. If only life was still that easy. It's good to know that with every mistake I make, I am able to pick myself up again & face the consequences as a better, more understanding person. I'm far from becoming the person I would like to be & even then I'll still be looking to improve...it's good to know I'm going the right direction & have wonderful company along for the journey.

that blasted curve ball.

What do you do with the unexpected curve ball? Life's treking along quite nicely then all of the sudden 'bang!' it comes at you full force. At this point you pretty much have two options: A. watch it fly on past you as you strike out, or B. swing at it with everything you've got.

I'm personally not a fan of the curve balls- if life seems to be moving along quite nicely why interrupt it? How annoying! But they still keep coming...some of them I let pass by & others I swing at. So what do I do with this one now? Well maybe I should go down swinging- who knows, maybe I'll knock it out of the park.

the dreams of today

Hi. My name's Michelle & I am commitment-ally challenged.

This is characterized by a general tendency to become bored with life, never being able to come to a firm decision, always keeping an eye out for something better to come along, & relationships?...well let's not even go there.

In the past I have picked up & moved across the country because I felt claustrophobic with life. It was an amazing time in my life & I learned a lot about myself...but by the end I was ready for the next chapter to come along. I'm terrified of becoming 'bogged down' & not being able to experience the adventures that may or may not come along.

I'm twenty-four & even though all my friends tell me I'm really not that old I'm not getting any younger! This is the perfect time for me to experience all that life has to offer...& I'm trying to make the most of where I'm at & gain all the experiences I can before I move on. I don't want to live in the land of "what-ifs" I want to make things happen!

Maybe I just haven't found something that holds my interest long enough to keep me from looking the other direction. There's so much potential out there & I'm wanting to find myself some!

For now, I'm going to soak up as much as I can where I'm at & continue to dream...& perhaps maybe this fear of commitment thing will start to work itself out along the way.

resourceful & environmentally friendly

Given the current state of our economy many people are cutting down the spending...& rightfully so considering excessive, needless spending has gotten me into a mess. This in mind, I have come up with a few creative ideas for those old credit cards we clearly don't need. I am no Martha Stewart, mind you, nor would I ever desire to strive to be any version of her, but I think my ideas may come in handy...for someone.

1. For the struggling musicians who can't spare a buck, just take a pair of scissors & fashion yourself some rather expensive guitar picks.

2. Cut them in half & use them as a scraping device for all the gum stuck under those tables & chairs or for the crusty food left on your dirty plates.

3. Plastic "Chinese throwing stars"...enough said really.

4. Cut a jagged edge on one side & use it as a meat tenderizer...it really makes those cheap steaks taste much better.

5. Cut them into thin lines & use them to dig out those pesty little food bits that get stuck in your teeth.

6. Draw a checkerboard on a piece of paper & use cut up pieces of your old plastic as the checkers.

I hope this has inspired you to put your old plastic to good use. Now I'm off to find the scissors & create a few new ideas.

ciao!

God of the Story

Christmas is around the corner. I know because 'red cup' season (my all-time favorite season) starts on Tuesday. As I mentally start to prepare for Christmas, anxiety wells up in me & I begin to stress over my finances & Christmas presents & traffic & long lines everywhere!! I quickly forget what this season is truly all about.

God has been working in my heart a lot lately...healing brokenness & softening bitterness. He's been breaking down pride barriers so that I can truly accept His healing & grace. He's filling me up & His blessings continue to astound me. The thing I tend to forget is this: the only reason I am able to experience all of this is because Jesus humbled Himself & gave His life as a love offering for all humanity.

At the church I visited today I saw a video for Advent Conspiracy [adventconspiracy.org]. (The video is on my profile page) They showed a statistic that put Christmas into perspective for me. In the United States we spend $450,000,000,000 on Christmas. That's 450 billion dollars if you were thrown off by all those zeros. Now I don't know about you, but that's a lot of money to me. They also shared that the estimated cost to solve the world's water crisis & bring clean water to everyone is $10,000,000,000...10 billion dollars! Those numbers put my life into perspective.

Celebrating the birth of Jesus should be a time when we experience & worship the God who gave Himself for us. The God who disadvantaged Himself for you & me. When I start to lose sight of Christ in my life everything becomes chaotic! When we lose sight of Christ at Christmastime, a season that should be full of adoration & love & community becomes a frenzy. My store is opening at 11:00pm on Thanksgiving night to accommodate all of the black friday customers who wait for hours to be the first in line to get the best deal on that action hero doll which will only see action for about a month. I don't know about you, but there have been numberous times in my life where someone's asked me what I've gotten for Christmas & even a few days later I can't remember! My life at Christmastime reflects my stubborn selfishness.

One thing that sounds much more appealing than presents this year is presence. I don't care about that sweater I'll wear once...or that book I'll probably never read, I care about creating moments with my family & friends that I will always remember. I want to bake Christmas goodies, decorate a Christmas tree, sing Christmas songs, & take the season slow so I can enjoy each day that passes. I want to make presents that will be meaningful & economically appropriate for my circumstance. I want to put my money to use where it will be more effective.

So which story does my life tell each year? Does my life tell the story of stress, selfishness, anxiety, & frustration. One where I'm too busy to make memories with family & completely broke from spending. Or does my life tell the story of my amazing, mighty God who came to earth to save us. A God who gave the ultimate gift so that I can live a life full of hope & peace. I want my life this year to tell a different story...I want my life to worship the God of the Christmas story.

"i'm missing one"

About two years ago I was volunteering with a church in Eugene. I worked with the babies up to four years of age. We had about five to eight children regularly in our class & we would teach them typical lessons about sharing & God's love. Most of the weeks we would have a coloring page they could work on that had something to do with the week's lesson. One week this little two & a half year old boy named Adam kept glancing around at his crayons with a bewildered look on his face.

I asked him, "Adam is everything okay?"

He answered me, "I'm missing one!"

I looked down at what must have been a pile of at least thirty various colored crayons in front of him & chuckled to myself...how would he know if he was missing one? It was a really cute interaction.

Later I got to thinking about how this compares to the story of the lost sheep in the Bible. The Shepherd left his flock of ninety-nine sheep to search for the one missing sheep. Because that one sheep was important to Him.

In the same way...God looks around & says "I'm missing one" (or a lot more than one) & that missing person is important to God. If that missing person is important to God...they should be important to us as well.

I'd like to think that that missing person was important to me...but a lot of times I think I get so caught up in my own reality that I don't notice the areas that God has called me to minister to on a daily basis. I pray that I will continually become more & more sensitive to His direction as He shows me, "hey Shelly, I'm missing one."

wasted time

Sometimes I get discouraged. I like to think it happens to everyone at times...at least I'm not alone. I'm at this point that can best be described as "blah." Have you ever been in that spot where you just feel like all your efforts in life, everything you've strived for, everything you've worked hard for, given money to it's all wasted time & efforts? I get that way...where I just don't know why I've been doing what I've been doing if all it amounts to is the point where I'm at...which doesn't seem like much. I heard an encouraging word today that gave me this insight.

In Genesis, Jacob was living with his entire family on his father-in-law's land. He's in his sixties & finally leaves in the night to start his own life with his family & have land to call his own. He settles in a spot & begins to dig a well...because water is essential to life. His daughter Dinah is raped by a guy in a town nearby & to make a long story short two of Jacob's sons go into the town & kill all of the men to avenge their sister. Now after Jacob has dug this well & is finally feeling settled & accomplished he has to pick up everything...all his livestock, belongings, his entire family & move again. He probably felt that the well he had dug was just a load of wasted effort & time.

Nearly two thousand years later a woman was drawing water at that very well, when she had an encounter that changed her life forever...she met Jesus & He showed her a new way to life!

God is never wasteful.

The efforts that Jacob made...the well that he dug was used years later by God for good. Jacob didn't even see the effects of his work in his lifetime.

It's reassuring to know that God won't waste anything that I do for Him. Even when I get discouraged & I feel like my efforts are completely in vain...He has a plan that is deeper than me & it reaches farther than what my mind can comprehend.

1 Corinthians 15:58 - Therefore, my dear brothers & sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

My life is changing...as it always has been. I feel like my time has come to move on...& I'm not sure what that entails completely but I know God is directing me in new directions & closing doors in areas that seem to be His clear guidance to move on. I'm excited to see where He'll take me from here...excited about all the people I'll meet along the way...& excited about the ways He will use me. I know that no matter how discouraged I become...God is never wasteful.

if I'm not me who will be?

Here's what God's been teaching me lately: if I'm not me...who will be? To me that's a loaded question. I think so many times in my life I try to be something I'm not...I try to search for who I really am...I have to take a step back and figure out what I am all about. God didn't make a mistake on me...I wasn't supposed to be more of this or more of that. He made me just how He wanted me to be...He just made me me. I can't be someone else...I can't be different than how I really am because I won't be quite as effective for Him that way. I need to embrace my own style and my own personality and my own ways and let Him shine through. I also don't need to force others to be like me...to like the same things that I like. I'm looking for acceptance not conformity. God uses me in my weakness. He uses me in the inadequate state that I'm in. He wouldn't want me to be anything other than me. I think a lot of times when I get burnt out it's because I am trying to be something or someone that I'm not. He loves me and accepts me just where I'm at and wants to use that...He wants to grow me from here...not from some further point on the journey.

"You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same, You are amazing God!" - Indescribable by Laura Story

here I am Lord...send me

Recently I have been very passionate about missions. God has been daily impacting my life and pressing on me a desire to serve people. My heart yearns to become a member of a separate culture and society (Africa and India specifically). Even though blood is truly my biggest fear...I am considering getting a health/first aid certificate or degree because the need for health care is so great throughout the world. I don't fear for my life or my wellbeing. God is so much bigger than me and He is at work. My life is simply equal to the rising and setting of the sun...in the grand picture it isn't going to be very long. I trust that God will keep His promise in Deuteronomy 31:6 where He says: "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." I don't fear death. I honestly fear going through life and never following my passions...never submitting to my calling.

The more I talk to people I hear that missions is a passion God is spreading in the hearts of many. I had a conversation with Travis tonight about his calling and his passions. That guy is going to do great things...I know it. Michelle and I are talking about going together in a few years. Jakob has expressed to me his passions as well.

The way I see it...generosity isn't just a money thing. 1 Timothy 6:7 says "For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it." Also in Luke 12:13-21 Jesus tells a parable of a man who had much but kept it to himself then died and his wealth went to waste. We feel like we deserve what we have because we've worked hard for it...but God has given us every blessing...He even gave us the breath, strength, and will to work hard for the things He's blessed us with. I'd consider every single breath a blessing from the Lord. He has the power to give and take away. I think we can be selfish not only with our money but also with our lives. I don't want to be selfish with my life...I want to use my life to serve people and I just so happen to feel called to serve people in specific locations. You could feel compelled to serve people in your home town...and honestly I think that's the best place to start!

I don't want to watch my fear become a reality as I sit on my butt and do nothing to follow my passions. I want to get there one day...whatever it takes. Jesus Christ came and died to save us all...every human being that has ever walked the face of this earth. Why? Because He loves us all...He loves us so much that He would rather go through hell then go to heaven without us. In the same way that a child will never love their parent as much as a parent loves a child--I don't believe we will ever fully comprehend God's love for us because we aren't capable of loving like He does. I just want to let His love flow into my life...and overflow onto people I encounter. That's my passion...that's essentially what it all comes down to.

following God's direction

This may be a pretty obvious observation...but I'll make it anyway: following God's direction and guidance is a very difficult thing to do in life. There I said it...now I feel better. Sometimes I try to fool myself into thinking that I have all the answers I need in life...trying to fool yourself is a stupid thing to do by the way. There are times in my life when I've followed God's leading and many more times that I haven't. Looking at reasons why I would choose not to follow God's leading, I've found that mostly it comes from fear. Fear of what may happen to me, fear of where it will take me, fear of what someone else may think, fear of disappointing someone, and the list goes on. In the past year I have chosen many times to blatantly go the other direction when God is clearly leading the way with great big neon lights. Coming to Massachusetts was one of those neon lights experiences...it is where God wants me...and I knew that before I left. I know where God is leading me now...I know the calling and the passions He's placed in my life...but I'm afraid to follow. It's challanging...

I'm altering my whole lifestyle in order to put myself in a position where I'm able to follow His direction. In fact, me altering my entire lifestyle is following His leading. I'm terrified! I'm afraid I will fail miserably! I don't know where my paycheck will come from in June...I just know where He wants me. The amusing thing to me is that He's taking me to the exact place I ran from a year ago. Maybe I'm having my own Jonah experience...I don't know. I don't want people to think I'm crazy...but honestly I'm not doing it for the eyes of people...it's for Him. Day by day my heart grows heavier. I feel helpless...but empowered at the same time...does that even make sense? Probably not...

God has placed people on my heart...all people. I want to see them through His eyes. I want to show Jesus' love to the people of this world...and most of the time I do a very poor job of it. I'm done doing my own thing...I'm done dreaming my own dreams...I'm tired of life being dashed on the rocks. I want to be in line with His thought and His dreams...because they will be far more incredible than anything I could ever dare to imagine.

the rape of the world

I want to make a difference, I really don't care anymore about having money or security or getting married or having kids, I just want to make a difference. I let debt hold me back...don't get me wrong a college education is wonderful! But I always think of things in terms of what I could do as soon as I have it all paid off. God has really instilled in me a passion for people & simplicity. My real life dream is to go to India or Africa or China or Eastern Europe & start a life. I want to minister to people & truly become one of them! I want to live simply & without busy-ness. The funny thing is that in high school I always told God, "Lord, I'll follow you with my life...just don't take me out of the country." Amazing really that I now have a passion for going to another nation.

Ben Harper has a song called "Excuse Me Mister." I love the song, & that's a lot of how I feel...with the exception of being a "Mister." One line in it says, "Excuse me Mister can't you see the children dying? You say that you can't help them, Mister your not even trying." I want to make a difference! Not only is the earth being destroyed, but people are dying every day of things that can be prevented! People are out there in bondage & most of us sit in our "United State-ian" homes living our truly priviledged lives & continue to want more! Trust me...you may not feel priviledged but you are. I probably shouldn't even be "preaching" about this...cuz I'm as guilty of it as anyone! All you'd have to do is take one look into my storage unit & you'd be able to tell that I have more stuff than anyone would ever really need! But I've lived without most of that stuff for the past five months, which makes me wonder why it's even that important to me...especially since I don't even miss it.

I let my debt hold me back. I say stuff like "I can't sponser that child...I have too many other bills." But you know what? I spend money like it grows on trees, & on ridiculous things none-the-less! Why am I not using restraint to put that money toward everything I should be paying off so I can actually do something helpful?

I'm also passionate about the earth. Here's an cheap & easy way to help: recycle. Really...I know it may sound silly...but I truly CRINGE when things that can be recycled are just thrown away! What is happening to all that waste? It has to go somewhere!

The other day while I was watching the news they were talking about how life expectancy is going down in the United States. Interesting huh? I thought so. Researchers are trying to figure out why this is happening. They actually referred to us as the "richest third world country." I don't think we take care of ourselves. Most people don't take care of their bodies & if we're living off the earth but not taking care of it, it can't be good for us either! We live our busy lives & the stress begins to wear on us. We are a rich country...but it's never enough! Luke 12:48 says: "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." We've been given so much...therefore so much more is expected of us. We should be giving back. Are we really being good stewards of what's been given to us?

Have you ever stood in awe & wonder while experiencing God's creation? Every time I go to the ocean I'm seriously breathtaken at first! When I step into a clear river & slide my feet over the smooth rocks I feel God's presence. When I'm sneezing my guts out cuz the flowers are in bloom, I praise Him for the beauty (and take some clariton)! Have you ever found a spot, on a clear night, where there are no street/city lights around & it's pitch black & you can literally look up into the heavens & see EVERYTHING? It's amazing! Have you ever witnessed the birth of a child? I have...I've never seen anything as beautiful as that! I truly sobbed! I want to take care of the earth, not only for myself, but for that child & every other child born in the future! It's not ours...we're only passing through really. The song "Big Yellow Taxi" by Joni Mitchell says, "Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got till it's gone." Well if we know what we have & we know how to take care of it...shouldn't we do something about it?

I have my own excuses...but I don't want to settle for excuses anymore. What's your excuse?