This may be a pretty obvious observation...but I'll make it anyway: following God's direction and guidance is a very difficult thing to do in life. There I said it...now I feel better. Sometimes I try to fool myself into thinking that I have all the answers I need in life...trying to fool yourself is a stupid thing to do by the way. There are times in my life when I've followed God's leading and many more times that I haven't. Looking at reasons why I would choose not to follow God's leading, I've found that mostly it comes from fear. Fear of what may happen to me, fear of where it will take me, fear of what someone else may think, fear of disappointing someone, and the list goes on. In the past year I have chosen many times to blatantly go the other direction when God is clearly leading the way with great big neon lights. Coming to Massachusetts was one of those neon lights experiences...it is where God wants me...and I knew that before I left. I know where God is leading me now...I know the calling and the passions He's placed in my life...but I'm afraid to follow. It's challanging...
I'm altering my whole lifestyle in order to put myself in a position where I'm able to follow His direction. In fact, me altering my entire lifestyle is following His leading. I'm terrified! I'm afraid I will fail miserably! I don't know where my paycheck will come from in June...I just know where He wants me. The amusing thing to me is that He's taking me to the exact place I ran from a year ago. Maybe I'm having my own Jonah experience...I don't know. I don't want people to think I'm crazy...but honestly I'm not doing it for the eyes of people...it's for Him. Day by day my heart grows heavier. I feel helpless...but empowered at the same time...does that even make sense? Probably not...
God has placed people on my heart...all people. I want to see them through His eyes. I want to show Jesus' love to the people of this world...and most of the time I do a very poor job of it. I'm done doing my own thing...I'm done dreaming my own dreams...I'm tired of life being dashed on the rocks. I want to be in line with His thought and His dreams...because they will be far more incredible than anything I could ever dare to imagine.
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