worth dying for

Out of nearly ten thousand songs on my iTunes, I hit random & my song with an ex-boyfriend starts to play. Don't get me wrong, I wish him well in every place life takes him & harbor no bitter feelings. It's funny that something 'so right' could become quite a blessing in the heartbreak. The song, on the other hand, got me to thinking about the lessons I've learned from where I've been versus where I am. So this is actually about that...

I've done so many things wrong in life. Some of my actions were birthed in reaction to turmoil while others were strictly out of rebellion. Thankfully I hold tight to God's all sufficient grace. It took quite a while, however, before I could forgive myself & begin to live within His blessing. I am not defined by my past, but it has it's part in the woman I've become. I cannot pretend to be someone I'm not- I need to let my passions, personality, experiences, & principles shine through in order to be fully effective in any area.

Throughout the past two months, God has been breaking down the walls I've built & has ripped open the wounds of numerous broken hearts. His purpose has been to mend my heart properly. In all honesty, at times it's been quite painful & I realize just how foolish I had become. Now that my heart is in the healing stage, I see how critical it is for me to guard it. I sought to find my value in people & discovered that it can only be found in Him. I am a treasured possession. I am worth dying for.

if You say go

"If You say go, we will go.
If You say wait, we will wait.
If You say step out on the water
& they say it can't be done,
we will fix our eyes on You
& we will come.

Your ways are higher than our ways
& the plans that You have made are good & true.
If you call us to the fire
You will not withdraw Your hand.
We will gaze into the flames
& look for You."


Rita Springer

just saying...

On two separate occasions this afternoon I had to clean massive amounts of pee off the toilet seat. The fact that I am twenty-five combined with the fact that I am a woman have given me the ability to be extremely accurate in this area for quite some time. Taking this into consideration, I would ask that if a person has yet to master the art of precision whilest urinating, please do everyone a courtesy & eliminate the mess.

Sincerely.

possibilities

It's always fun to learn new things. I recently hit a wall in my piano playing. I've been struggling to find anything new from what I've been doing & my playing was beginning to become a bit boring. I want to expand my horizons & continually push myself to be a better pianist. So today I started taking lessons again. It's great! Already I'm thinking about new things to try or new scales to incorporate! It's funny that twenty-one years ago I started this music journey- I never expected it to turn into my life's passion. I want my musical worship to the Lord to be excellent & ever increasing. I don't want to give Him the mundane- I want to push myself to bring Him an offering that's my best & expresses all of me & all of the emotions I feel toward Him. Music has a way of bridging the gap between body & soul- it moves me to my core & I want my core to be rocked by the presence & power of God.

Now I'm off to spread my passions to (somewhat) unsuspecting town folk! How exciting!!

ramblings on love

A Softer World (asofterworld.com) has this old comic that I stumbled across again today. It says, "I should have been brave enough to just ask your name, instead of screaming 'I cannot contain my lust'. Now you probably think I'm a creep." I let out a good hearty laugh with that one.

I am quite a lucky woman- I have (strictly platonic) guy friends who talk about love & relationships & romance with me. It goes both ways: they ask me about their lady friends & I annoy them by analyzing every little detail about whatever man I am interested in. It's what I do.

So, keeping that in mind, I recently finished reading, for the second time, 'He's Just Not That Into You'- the female manifesto, if you will. The funny thing is that a considerable amount of advice given by my guys completely contradicts the theories in the book. They both tell me what an amazing, beautiful, strong, passionate, capable, woman I am & that I need to find a man who's genuinely interested in me, because giving & receiving love of the romantic kind is a very worthwhile pursuit. They also parallel each other when they tell me that the tools I've dated in the past are just that & I'm lucky to have them out of my life so I can move forward in discovering who I am because I deserve more.

In all of that other stuff they are quite opposite. Greg Behrendt's theory is that when a guy is TRULY into you he will go to the ends of the earth to win you over. His rules are that if a guy doesn't ask you out, call you, date you, have sex with you, hang out sober, marry you, & so on, then he's just not that into you. While I feel that, on a certain level (with most of his rules), he definitely makes a good point, I also agree with my guy friend as he advises to "think about how emasculated men have been and how they've been lead to believe that to chase is to be a 'pig'." Perhaps men will begin to realize that women (I included) never really know what they want.

We make something so complicated when really it's so great simple. I also recently read 'Sex God' by Rob Bell. He discusses the innate human need for connection & suggests that a genuinely healthy marriage relationship will give us a glimpse of the perfection we were meant for. He compares a relationship where you can be completely naked (meaning that we're entirely vulnerable with & trusting of someone else) to what Heaven will be like with Jesus. I can say without a doubt that I want to experience THAT kind of love...& I don't care how long I have to wait for it.

I suppose that for now I'll just relax & see where this road takes me. I'm in no hurry.