addicitve personality?

I am officially addicted to 21 Jump Street. Hulu had the entire first season! It may be caused, in part, by the fact that Johnny Depp is so unbelievably dreamy. Yes--I believe that does play a huge role.

Itchy Feet.

I finally feel like I'm growing up. I am getting my own place, starting to feel comfortable in Salem, & I'm very happy with where I'm at. I don't feel that urge to pick up everything & leave again. That fear of commitment is starting to settle down a bit. On the other hand, I have a strong desire to go on a short term mission trip...I loved my trip to Haiti (four years ago) & I really want to go somewhere new & serve people. The plan now is to pray that God will bring along the right opportunity & the financing & other means for this to happen. He's the One who gave me this desire--I trust that He'll guide my steps.

that funny little feeling

I hate this feeling. Allow me to elaborate- I hate the horribly lonely 'I-wish-I-was-in-a-relationship' feeling that I get after watching well written (or poorly written) 'rom coms' [romantic comedies]. It's not like I'm desperate for love- I am mostly satisfied with my single life & furthermore have zero prospects to consider. It's not like amazing guys are just popping up all over the place. I know that the greatest relationships are worth waiting for & I'm doing my best to make the most of the time I have right now, but still those movies leave the pit of my stomach wishing for something more. It's pretty freakin' annoying! And this is officially why I have a love/hate relationship with rom coms.

John Cusack

I'm a sucker for a love song. Seriously!! So many people in my life can testify to the fact that I have, on numerous occasions, forced them (to a certain extent) to listen to songs on repeat...for hours!
"Everything I do" by Bryan Adams
"We Belong Together" by Gavin DeGraw
"Arms of a Woman" by Amos Lee
"Forever" by Ben Harper
...& the list goes on & on!

When I listen to these songs I literally leave reality & find myself off in some other 'unrealistic land of love.' At times I become so 'involved' in my own fairy tale version of love that my expectations for future love could only ever be fulfilled by some perfect combination of 'The Princess Bride's' Wesley the farm boy, 'Pride & Prejudice's' Mr. Darcy, & 'Clueless's' Josh. I am pretty much setting any guy who comes along in life up for failure.

In Chuck Klosterman's book 'Sex, Drugs, & Cocoa Puffs' he blames the fact that he will never be able to fully satisfy a woman on John Cusack's character 'Lloyd Dobler' from the movie 'Say Anything.' (hilarious chapter...) In my mind I think a normal romance should be similar to Cory & Topanga on 'Boy Meets World' & at times I'm not sure if I'd be satisfied with anything less. There's a great line from Hamlet that says 'Love is begun by time, & time qualifies the spark & fire of it.' A great romance will take time & compromise. It will never be perfect. I'm pretty sure if I want a perfect romance I'll just have to keep daydreaming of my 'Mr. Wesley Josh Darcy,' but I'd miss out on so much of that beautiful imperfection.

So, while it's okay for me to enjoy those beautiful love songs, I need to remember that romance will never be perfect, I need to stop setting my expectations so high that no man would be able to live up to them, & I need to trust God & put Him at the center of any future relationship that comes my way...because, honestly, that's what makes a beautiful relationship.

a beautiful mess

Life can be messy sometimes. I just went back through & read a load of blogs I had written over the past year...& I posted them here. It's funny how fast I can lose sight of the things that matter...how easily distracted I get at times. It's like I've gone to the store to buy a dress & came home with shoes, pants, shirts,...& no dress. How do I keep the dress as my goal? What do I need to do to keep my goals in sight & the things that truly are important to me?

Things get in the way.

People change.

However, the things that I wanted then are still things that I want in my future. My life is messy...but it's my mess & it's the only one I will ever have. I want to live it fully & unswervingly for Jesus Christ...nothing else matters as long as every day I can say I did my best in His name. Being able to do that makes my mess of a life something different...then it becomes a beautiful mess. He changes me & I want to keep my focus on Him & nothing else. He will guide my steps.

stronger.

there is Love
that came for us
humbled to a sinner's cross
You broke my shame and sinfulness
You rose again victorious

faithfulness none can deny
through the storm
& through the fire
there is truth that sets me free
Jesus Christ who lives in me

You are stronger
You are stronger
sin is broken
You have saved me
it is written
Christ is risen
Jesus You are Lord of all

no beginning & no end
You're my hope & my defence
You came to seek & save the lost
You paid it all upon the cross

so let Your Name be lifted higher
be lifted higher
be lifted higher